going back to "secretly" blogging.

lots of self-hatred lately. lots more i'd like to do with a blog.
i don't feel good enough or smart enough yet, and this hasn't lived up to what i had intended.
it's hard to explain. something is just missing.
i have many self-improvement plans for next summer.
they involve lots and lots and lots of reading and health,
two things that i don't have time for during the school year.
but i can't wait. leaving my teens will be prime time to change.
for the better.

7 months.

Do this.

"in this generation, we're allowed to be alone."

good point.

bah.

going without internet for so many days on end means i should be doing a hell of a lot more than i'm doing. i can't handle being stupid-busy like i used to, and so i relax too much instead.
next quarter is seriously going to kick my butt though. 4 classes with one requiring volunteering outside of class and the other involving going to tijuana and 4 more weeks of work after spring break.
still writing lots of songs. finished one for my mom for x-mas!
yesterday was my thanksgiving. haley, sean, patrick, and daniel drove up (!) and local friends came over.
there were 23 people all together, and there was sooooooooo much food.
there still is so, so much food. it was all vegan and all really delicious.
everyone was really thankful for the event because everyone was lonely, and it felt really good.
it had an amazing effect.
i turned in 3 rolls of film an hour ago but just got a call about the photo machine breaking, so i don't get them until tomorrow.
i have so much to say, but no time. my sister comes in 4 days, and i have to write 6 pages tonight.
tomorrow H, S, P, and D are driving back home.
i have to read a short novel by tuesday.
i've got a big presentation on wednesday.
one 12 page philosophy paper and one 10 page research paper due on friday.
ahhhhhhh!

random ramblings and snow.

this was just the beginning.
james and i walked around a lot later on when it was really snowing.
our heater wasn't working for awhile.
it was amusing.
today there is lots of snow, but the sun is out and the sky is blue,
so it won't last long.
now walking around is like a death trap.
i've taken a lot of digital photos.
i've also had a long-lasting killer headache and a runny nose.
i hope no fevers are in store.

random notes from yesterday:

there are few things more free and beautiful than a clean occasion of snow in the midst of red, brick buildings.

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things to do when it's snowing outside: watch a movie, eat sweets, have sex, wear too many layers, read a book, pretend you don't have homework (or any responsibilities for that matter), bury yourself in bed, play guitar, sing songs, knit, make things, write a letter, update your journal, make hot chocolate, or hot coffee, or tea, call a friend, stretch, sit still and don't think for awhile, create a golden winter playlist, be creative, and mostly just be grateful for the roof over your head.

all of this only after excitedly walking miles in pure white, coffee shop hopping along the way.

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today i decided that if i can't find in me just one thing to write about in a given 24 hour day, something is missing. so far, there have been too many days at the end of which i felt there was nothing to write about.

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it is november 23rd at 7:24am. today is the first "snow day" i never thought i'd have. hello 6-day weekend.

this isn't my body.

that's all.

deep breaths.

i only have one class tomorrow, next tuesday, and next thursday.
the other professors are taking long thanksgiving vacations.
this is nice, because i won't feel insanely overwhelmed with these three big projects due in two weeks.
i registered for classes today with no problem.
i will be overloading and taking 18 credits next quarter.
it's going to be tough.
adam and natalie came over for a quick second the other night and it was really nice to see them.
they love it here.
in about 15 minutes, i am going to a panel at elliott bay having to do with good writers.
lots of things happening lately.
it's getting into the 20's starting monday.
layerslayerslayers.