i realized yesterday that i am at an amazing point in my life.
i can't recall ever feeling as content as i do for the time being.
money troubles and mild loneliness are pretty much all that can bring me down at the moment,
which they aren't.
i thought about you the other day.
i wanted to call and simply say, "let's start over."
but completely over. as if nothing had happened.
but it left my mind as soon as it entered.
i suppose i'm done swallowing my pride when it isn't necessary.
it's like my inner child has finally grown up in all of the ways that she needed to.
and i'm almost struggling to get her back because things feel so new without her.
i realized today that i haven't heard from my dad since the beginning of summer,
so i initiated the email tonight, although it maybe sort of upsets me that he wasn't the one to do so.
but there are worse things.
i don't think i'm studying abroad anymore, however, i still aspire to go to poland for maybe 3 weeks this summer.
i'd like to spend the whole time with him and my grandma danuta rather than at school.
i also got an invite from my old anthropology teacher to go to the galapagos islands in january of 2012, which i am dead seriously all over as long as i don't have to be a canada student.
can't even begin to imagine that trip right now.
lastly, i've been looking into woofing, which i plan to do as well. i'm thinking about iceland right now. these all sound so far-fetched.
but so did montana in my world. since that was possible, most things are possible in my mind.
anyway, i have so much confidence in my friends at home and here, and it really is an indescribable feeling.
in addition, this coming thanksgiving will by far be my best thanksgiving if it works out as planned.
so far, i've got a van of 10 people from home coming up, and it would rule if james and i could convince our parents to come up as well.
james and i already have so many planned visitors coming up as soon as we move in and through december aside from thanksgiving.
it's exciting.
i got my halloween costume today. really excited about that too.
i have become someone who needs to reduce her smoking habits- who would have thought? shouldn't have picked up the habit in the first place.
but there are worse things.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
things and stuff.
i have still been cooking a lot.
i've gotten into shredding potatoes for stir-fries rather than cutting them into lil' triangles.
if you don't cook them to a crisp, like you would do with hashbrowns, they are amazing.
i just finished cooking curried spinach, carrots, broccoli, zucchini, and textured vegetable protein.
sooooo gooooood!
on top of everything else, i have a feeling that my wisdom teeth are coming in, which blows.
and if that isn't what's going on, then something really painful and distracting is going on.
surprise, surprise.
philosophy and literature was amazing yesterday.
i have a feeling all of the girls in that class are going to cry at least once, heh.
it's a super intimate setting, and we talk about insanely sad things a lot, and the professor is really sweet and intense.
after reading the unbearable lightness of being, i learned a little bit more about myself,
because it's very easy to relate to one of the four main characters.
sabina symbolizes lightness, tomas is kind of in the middle, franz is more weighty, and tereza is the emblem of weight.
i related to tereza most, while everyone else in my class disliked her and related to sabina most.
apparently sabina is more "realistic," which actually surprised and bummed me out a little bit.
the thing is, living "lightly" basically translates into living extremely selfishly and following a "path of betrayals," which simply means running away from anything that gets too heavy and serious.
are people really like that? i mean, "lightness" is a very admirable trait in a character in a novel, because who doesn't ever find themselves in a situation where they really wish that they could just get up and run without saying a word, but instead feel too badly to ever actually do that?
but in real life? what about compassion? compassion is weight.
tereza is the character who basically welcomes burdens and thrives off of suffering, and i feel like she gains wisdom from that.
i am not saying that everyone should welcome burdens and suffer, but it is a sad, sad thing if running away from everything is more realistic. we learn so much less that way.
i don't know. i suppose it was an eye-opening class.
i've gotten into shredding potatoes for stir-fries rather than cutting them into lil' triangles.
if you don't cook them to a crisp, like you would do with hashbrowns, they are amazing.
i just finished cooking curried spinach, carrots, broccoli, zucchini, and textured vegetable protein.
sooooo gooooood!
on top of everything else, i have a feeling that my wisdom teeth are coming in, which blows.
and if that isn't what's going on, then something really painful and distracting is going on.
surprise, surprise.
philosophy and literature was amazing yesterday.
i have a feeling all of the girls in that class are going to cry at least once, heh.
it's a super intimate setting, and we talk about insanely sad things a lot, and the professor is really sweet and intense.
after reading the unbearable lightness of being, i learned a little bit more about myself,
because it's very easy to relate to one of the four main characters.
sabina symbolizes lightness, tomas is kind of in the middle, franz is more weighty, and tereza is the emblem of weight.
i related to tereza most, while everyone else in my class disliked her and related to sabina most.
apparently sabina is more "realistic," which actually surprised and bummed me out a little bit.
the thing is, living "lightly" basically translates into living extremely selfishly and following a "path of betrayals," which simply means running away from anything that gets too heavy and serious.
are people really like that? i mean, "lightness" is a very admirable trait in a character in a novel, because who doesn't ever find themselves in a situation where they really wish that they could just get up and run without saying a word, but instead feel too badly to ever actually do that?
but in real life? what about compassion? compassion is weight.
tereza is the character who basically welcomes burdens and thrives off of suffering, and i feel like she gains wisdom from that.
i am not saying that everyone should welcome burdens and suffer, but it is a sad, sad thing if running away from everything is more realistic. we learn so much less that way.
i don't know. i suppose it was an eye-opening class.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Either/or: either shit is acceptable or we are created in an unacceptable manner.
Finished The Unbearable Lightness of Being last night.
What an amazing read. So much food for thought, I couldn't keep track.
It ends with a small animal rights rant, which I love of course.
I want a dog one hundred times more now though.
I think I will just feel a little bit empty until he/she comes into my life in a few years.
I have to write a reflection on the question of whether or not the "lightness of being" is, in fact, unbearable. I'm still a little bit confused about the difference between lightness and weight, but I believe lightness refers to the way that pretty much everything in life happens by chance.
If I'm on the right track, that fact is irritating and a bit silly.
I didn't really think about it before, but such a lightness (lack of predictability/purpose) can make one feel like she has no control over what happens in the one life that she gets to live.
While she can make choices, those choices don't necessarily matter because there is always the possibility of a chance event interfering with that choice.
At the same time, series of chances create what we call coincidences.
And a series of coincidences tend to give us courage, while also making us feel like we have to follow the path that they are leading us toward. That series makes us feel a sense of destiny, I suppose.
For example, when one develops affection for someone, she starts noticing all of these silly connections that make that crush seem perfect for her. By making those connections, she is actually giving herself courage to talk to that crush of hers.
At some point, after chance in itself is done occurring, I realize that we've become fashioned to creating our own ridiculous connections thereafter.
IE: He called me at six, and I live in apartment number six! We must be meant for each other!
I'm really just sorting out my thoughts right now. Don't mind me.
What an amazing read. So much food for thought, I couldn't keep track.
It ends with a small animal rights rant, which I love of course.
I want a dog one hundred times more now though.
I think I will just feel a little bit empty until he/she comes into my life in a few years.
I have to write a reflection on the question of whether or not the "lightness of being" is, in fact, unbearable. I'm still a little bit confused about the difference between lightness and weight, but I believe lightness refers to the way that pretty much everything in life happens by chance.
If I'm on the right track, that fact is irritating and a bit silly.
I didn't really think about it before, but such a lightness (lack of predictability/purpose) can make one feel like she has no control over what happens in the one life that she gets to live.
While she can make choices, those choices don't necessarily matter because there is always the possibility of a chance event interfering with that choice.
At the same time, series of chances create what we call coincidences.
And a series of coincidences tend to give us courage, while also making us feel like we have to follow the path that they are leading us toward. That series makes us feel a sense of destiny, I suppose.
For example, when one develops affection for someone, she starts noticing all of these silly connections that make that crush seem perfect for her. By making those connections, she is actually giving herself courage to talk to that crush of hers.
At some point, after chance in itself is done occurring, I realize that we've become fashioned to creating our own ridiculous connections thereafter.
IE: He called me at six, and I live in apartment number six! We must be meant for each other!
I'm really just sorting out my thoughts right now. Don't mind me.
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