i won't be nostalgic about it anymore.
but- not today.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
baking.
vegan peanut butter and honey cookies.
(i eat honey, although agave would work just as nicely).
mom helped me move some stuff into the new place today.
i'm pretty darned excited about it while also being pretty sad.
i will actually really miss living on heath and ty's couch.
this past month has been so good.
questions of the day: is there an es muss sein in your life? do you know what is real in your life? what binds you and what sets you free?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine.
I didn't think that I remembered much from the Wednesday afternoon bible classes that were forced upon me until I was 12.
Then it was left up to me to get there on my own, and so I just stopped going.
I didn't think that I was ever against them; I was really just extremely bored.
I just finished reading a few select passages from the Bible for my Jesus and Liberation class,
and my god, how irritating that piece of literature is, along with the history behind it.
My memory came rushing back, and then I realized that maybe I did stop going due to disbelief.
God is really kind of an arrogant asshole according to the passages I read (Exodus: 1-3, 14-16, Deuteronomy: 5-6, and 1 Kings: 12-19).
There's so much "I" involved in his commands and everything he says in general.
"I am a jealous God." "I will gain glory if you follow my lead." "Fear me if you want to live."
AKA "It's all about me."
Really, God? Come on. I'm sensing some George Orwell 1984 insanity here.
Additionally, do you even realize how many translations the darned Bible has undertaken?
Well, not the actual bible, because you see, the real thing has never even been found.
Only more translations of it have been.
It's ridiculous. Every new translator completely refashioned it to include only what he wanted to believe in. Yes, he. And those translations would only make it into the general public if what was in them was "deemed appropriate."
Anyway, to each his own.
I'm being a shit, sorry.
Then it was left up to me to get there on my own, and so I just stopped going.
I didn't think that I was ever against them; I was really just extremely bored.
I just finished reading a few select passages from the Bible for my Jesus and Liberation class,
and my god, how irritating that piece of literature is, along with the history behind it.
My memory came rushing back, and then I realized that maybe I did stop going due to disbelief.
God is really kind of an arrogant asshole according to the passages I read (Exodus: 1-3, 14-16, Deuteronomy: 5-6, and 1 Kings: 12-19).
There's so much "I" involved in his commands and everything he says in general.
"I am a jealous God." "I will gain glory if you follow my lead." "Fear me if you want to live."
AKA "It's all about me."
Really, God? Come on. I'm sensing some George Orwell 1984 insanity here.
Additionally, do you even realize how many translations the darned Bible has undertaken?
Well, not the actual bible, because you see, the real thing has never even been found.
Only more translations of it have been.
It's ridiculous. Every new translator completely refashioned it to include only what he wanted to believe in. Yes, he. And those translations would only make it into the general public if what was in them was "deemed appropriate."
Anyway, to each his own.
I'm being a shit, sorry.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
there are worse things than being alone.
i realized yesterday that i am at an amazing point in my life.
i can't recall ever feeling as content as i do for the time being.
money troubles and mild loneliness are pretty much all that can bring me down at the moment,
which they aren't.
i thought about you the other day.
i wanted to call and simply say, "let's start over."
but completely over. as if nothing had happened.
but it left my mind as soon as it entered.
i suppose i'm done swallowing my pride when it isn't necessary.
it's like my inner child has finally grown up in all of the ways that she needed to.
and i'm almost struggling to get her back because things feel so new without her.
i realized today that i haven't heard from my dad since the beginning of summer,
so i initiated the email tonight, although it maybe sort of upsets me that he wasn't the one to do so.
but there are worse things.
i don't think i'm studying abroad anymore, however, i still aspire to go to poland for maybe 3 weeks this summer.
i'd like to spend the whole time with him and my grandma danuta rather than at school.
i also got an invite from my old anthropology teacher to go to the galapagos islands in january of 2012, which i am dead seriously all over as long as i don't have to be a canada student.
can't even begin to imagine that trip right now.
lastly, i've been looking into woofing, which i plan to do as well. i'm thinking about iceland right now. these all sound so far-fetched.
but so did montana in my world. since that was possible, most things are possible in my mind.
anyway, i have so much confidence in my friends at home and here, and it really is an indescribable feeling.
in addition, this coming thanksgiving will by far be my best thanksgiving if it works out as planned.
so far, i've got a van of 10 people from home coming up, and it would rule if james and i could convince our parents to come up as well.
james and i already have so many planned visitors coming up as soon as we move in and through december aside from thanksgiving.
it's exciting.
i got my halloween costume today. really excited about that too.
i have become someone who needs to reduce her smoking habits- who would have thought? shouldn't have picked up the habit in the first place.
but there are worse things.
i can't recall ever feeling as content as i do for the time being.
money troubles and mild loneliness are pretty much all that can bring me down at the moment,
which they aren't.
i thought about you the other day.
i wanted to call and simply say, "let's start over."
but completely over. as if nothing had happened.
but it left my mind as soon as it entered.
i suppose i'm done swallowing my pride when it isn't necessary.
it's like my inner child has finally grown up in all of the ways that she needed to.
and i'm almost struggling to get her back because things feel so new without her.
i realized today that i haven't heard from my dad since the beginning of summer,
so i initiated the email tonight, although it maybe sort of upsets me that he wasn't the one to do so.
but there are worse things.
i don't think i'm studying abroad anymore, however, i still aspire to go to poland for maybe 3 weeks this summer.
i'd like to spend the whole time with him and my grandma danuta rather than at school.
i also got an invite from my old anthropology teacher to go to the galapagos islands in january of 2012, which i am dead seriously all over as long as i don't have to be a canada student.
can't even begin to imagine that trip right now.
lastly, i've been looking into woofing, which i plan to do as well. i'm thinking about iceland right now. these all sound so far-fetched.
but so did montana in my world. since that was possible, most things are possible in my mind.
anyway, i have so much confidence in my friends at home and here, and it really is an indescribable feeling.
in addition, this coming thanksgiving will by far be my best thanksgiving if it works out as planned.
so far, i've got a van of 10 people from home coming up, and it would rule if james and i could convince our parents to come up as well.
james and i already have so many planned visitors coming up as soon as we move in and through december aside from thanksgiving.
it's exciting.
i got my halloween costume today. really excited about that too.
i have become someone who needs to reduce her smoking habits- who would have thought? shouldn't have picked up the habit in the first place.
but there are worse things.
Friday, October 1, 2010
things and stuff.
i have still been cooking a lot.
i've gotten into shredding potatoes for stir-fries rather than cutting them into lil' triangles.
if you don't cook them to a crisp, like you would do with hashbrowns, they are amazing.
i just finished cooking curried spinach, carrots, broccoli, zucchini, and textured vegetable protein.
sooooo gooooood!
on top of everything else, i have a feeling that my wisdom teeth are coming in, which blows.
and if that isn't what's going on, then something really painful and distracting is going on.
surprise, surprise.
philosophy and literature was amazing yesterday.
i have a feeling all of the girls in that class are going to cry at least once, heh.
it's a super intimate setting, and we talk about insanely sad things a lot, and the professor is really sweet and intense.
after reading the unbearable lightness of being, i learned a little bit more about myself,
because it's very easy to relate to one of the four main characters.
sabina symbolizes lightness, tomas is kind of in the middle, franz is more weighty, and tereza is the emblem of weight.
i related to tereza most, while everyone else in my class disliked her and related to sabina most.
apparently sabina is more "realistic," which actually surprised and bummed me out a little bit.
the thing is, living "lightly" basically translates into living extremely selfishly and following a "path of betrayals," which simply means running away from anything that gets too heavy and serious.
are people really like that? i mean, "lightness" is a very admirable trait in a character in a novel, because who doesn't ever find themselves in a situation where they really wish that they could just get up and run without saying a word, but instead feel too badly to ever actually do that?
but in real life? what about compassion? compassion is weight.
tereza is the character who basically welcomes burdens and thrives off of suffering, and i feel like she gains wisdom from that.
i am not saying that everyone should welcome burdens and suffer, but it is a sad, sad thing if running away from everything is more realistic. we learn so much less that way.
i don't know. i suppose it was an eye-opening class.
i've gotten into shredding potatoes for stir-fries rather than cutting them into lil' triangles.
if you don't cook them to a crisp, like you would do with hashbrowns, they are amazing.
i just finished cooking curried spinach, carrots, broccoli, zucchini, and textured vegetable protein.
sooooo gooooood!
on top of everything else, i have a feeling that my wisdom teeth are coming in, which blows.
and if that isn't what's going on, then something really painful and distracting is going on.
surprise, surprise.
philosophy and literature was amazing yesterday.
i have a feeling all of the girls in that class are going to cry at least once, heh.
it's a super intimate setting, and we talk about insanely sad things a lot, and the professor is really sweet and intense.
after reading the unbearable lightness of being, i learned a little bit more about myself,
because it's very easy to relate to one of the four main characters.
sabina symbolizes lightness, tomas is kind of in the middle, franz is more weighty, and tereza is the emblem of weight.
i related to tereza most, while everyone else in my class disliked her and related to sabina most.
apparently sabina is more "realistic," which actually surprised and bummed me out a little bit.
the thing is, living "lightly" basically translates into living extremely selfishly and following a "path of betrayals," which simply means running away from anything that gets too heavy and serious.
are people really like that? i mean, "lightness" is a very admirable trait in a character in a novel, because who doesn't ever find themselves in a situation where they really wish that they could just get up and run without saying a word, but instead feel too badly to ever actually do that?
but in real life? what about compassion? compassion is weight.
tereza is the character who basically welcomes burdens and thrives off of suffering, and i feel like she gains wisdom from that.
i am not saying that everyone should welcome burdens and suffer, but it is a sad, sad thing if running away from everything is more realistic. we learn so much less that way.
i don't know. i suppose it was an eye-opening class.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)