my doctor is great.
she made a lot of things make sense, which helped me get through my day a little bit better yesterday.
but i've ultimately been feeling less normal, and it's extremely, extremely distracting.
the headaches do not come as often, but now it just feels like an elephant is hangin' out right on top of my heart all day.
sometimes, i don't even get mornings or nights to feel like i'm perfectly healthy and alive,
and those were my main safe-havens, ya' know?
now i usually just wake up and go to sleep (or don't go to sleep) feeling like my heart's about to stop.
re-diculous.
my current support system is something i am so, so thankful for, though,
and if i look on the bright side, i wouldn't get to feel that without all of these ailments.
i did terribly on a recent essay.
it's the worst grade i've gotten in some years.
i'm more scared than bummed about it,
because for awhile, i've had this feeling that i was soon going to hit this stagnant point,
where my writing stops being good enough, and i don't feel like i will get better.
school is not what it usually is for me this quarter,
and i'm scared it might continue on that way for awhile, but we will see.
maybe/hopefully it's just this class, and hopefully i get a better grade on my midterm.
a lot of it is my fault.
my sister informed me that my spirit animal is a salmon according to my astrological sign.
a salmon!
maybe that explains a lot.
anyway, i'm seeing the allen ginsberg movie "howl" tonight, with james franco as ginsberg.
i can't really imagine it being less than perfect.
this is yet another mistake i'm making, because i am extremely short on time and money,
but whatever. it will be worth it.
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shake it off! you're great and you'll continue to do really well with your education.
ReplyDeleteThey also must swim against very strong ocean currents just to reach freshwater, and then swim upstream against the powerful flow of the river. Additionally, they must leap clear of the water to get above falls, and do all this while avoiding predators - who know they are there and want to catch and eat them.
Salmon are tough and determined after all. ;)
thank yooou, megan :)
ReplyDeletei feel a little bit better about spiritually being a salmon.
Native American astrology! And don't forget that it is also wise and well respected! The salmon is a very important mainstay of the circle of life! There's even though little foil-y salmon fishy thing that are supposed to be mind readers(a little toy thing, ya know what I'm talking about right?)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I sometime feel like my heart is going to stop... but it never does. In fact, I have named it stroke arm... which ya know, I'll explain to you more in person but I'd like to think they're just growing pains.
Also, college is about being short on money. Don't worry about being broke when you don't have bills (or too many bills) to pay yet! That's why they have student discounts! Make sure you ALWAYS ask for student discounts!! Most places/things have them, they just don't advertise them.