dream jars-

a nice amount of things have happened throughout the past few days.
the first thing is that i completely lose track of time during summer,
so i think i'm starting with...friday? but maybe it was thursday.
no, it was thursday.
so thursday night, i helped out with an evening school event,
i worked a little coffee/smoothie cart for an 8th grade grad-night,
and everything about it was rad (and nostalgic for me, of course),
an 8th grade band played that included a drummer, guitarist, and bassist,
along with a waaaay cute chick singer.
the girl was so into it, and it makes me wish i did something nerdy and cute like that when i was in 8th grade,
and now, i reeeally actually want to play in an electric band,
like really.
even as the singer (which is weird for me), but ideally, i would love to learn bass or guitar (better than what i know now, heh), or i would love to include tambourine, or something fun like it.
if nothing happens over summer, i really hope there are opportunities in seattle.
i finally gave in and wrote a letter to my dad, i think i worded things perfectly, and i sent a few pictures, including a copy of an old one of him and a current one of me to show him how entirely alike we look.
i can't wait to get one back, and i'm just really hoping he understands my letter in the first place.
i have no idea how good his english is at this point.
lately there have been one too many people whom i reasonably haven't contacted in several years who have supposedly been way too interested in me and what i do throughout those years,
and i'm really beginning to feel like i have no privacy.
sometimes people are really weird with me, and i don't really understand it,
but i don't like walking into rooms knowing some people are studying my every move,
and i especially don't like hearing that they talk to people whom i barely know, but whom feel like they need to pass it on to me, about what they observe.
this isn't just one of those generalizations, where one person has done this, there have been too many, and i keep on hearing new cases, and it freaks me out.
i wish i could be left alone, and that i didn't feel like i had to delete all public links to my blogs and flickrs and other pages, and maybe just stay inside forever.
for awhile, i've been trying to read Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates by tom robbins,
but i really just had to quit about halfway through, and it makes me sad.
Still Life made me love tom robbins, but maybe he's just a little bit too silly to write a 450 page story, or maybe i just needed a different style of writing for awhile.
i switched over to rereading The BFG by roald dahl! (my childhood author).
i hadn't read it since i was probably eight or nine?
and it's an amazing book. maybe i want it to be the first bedtime story i read to the child i may never have-it has some wonderful messages.
-eat your vegetables
-use your imagination, believe in things even when you don't see them with your own eyes
-respect humanity
-dream reallyreallyreally big
-"human beans" suck
-moremoremore
as far as tattoos go, this book made me realize that i'm not really sure if i'm going to stick with my previous plan (no questions!),
although i reallyreallyreally love it, i'm going for 'superpretty' with all of my tattoos, i think,
and i don't think the things i want would turn out that way-
i may settle for something more common, like flowers, you know?
find out what certain ones mean and stuff, but we'll see.
also, i really need to start building my summer reading list quick, there are way too many authors i haven't read, way too many things about literature that i don't know,
and i really want to know.
i've sort of realized that i'm a huge geek, and like, it's a little embarassing sometimes,
but i've been trying to embrace it.
friday was a lazy morning/adventurous night type day for me.
i sat around for many hours, reading, but i was dying to sew, and i really need to go invest in a sewing machine.
maybe today, actually.
but i really wanted to make stuff, and it really sucks not being able to fulfill those kinds of urges.
around 2, i rode over to melissa's, and we made our way to the train, audrey, and san francisco.
we walked....a lot, especially around chinatown.
i haven't been there in ages, and i forgot how overcrowded and shocking and lovely it is all at the same time, i really enjoyed it actually.
we did something and nothing all the same.
we stopped at city lights, and i wished i could buy every book in the store,
that is also where i became overwhelmed with how behind i am in books.
i've been wanting to cut all of my hair off for awhile, but it's a really shaky want.
i really love having long hair just because its never been this long before,
and most of my previous short haircuts have been absolutely terrible,
but there are a couple i've found that might work, and i mightmightmight go for it.
i just don't think i have a cute enough or girly enough face for it.
i've always thought i've had a lamely masculine face, and now even moreso after seeing an old picture of my dad, who literally had my face.
i don't know, i'm stuck, but i really just want a drastic change, you know?
sorry, i realize this is a really long post.
now last night, saturday, was sososososo good.
i had work at 5:30am, but got there an hour late, and felt like a complete asshole.
i don't usually do that, but i guess 5:30am is a little extreme, even for me.
with fright, i listened to the four voicemails from my managers,
and while they sounded really upset, they also sounded genuinely worried about me,
it was a weirdlynice feeling, but made me feel even worse about oversleeping.
i even went to sleep early too...
i came home and alexis met me there around 7pm and we headed to the city.
we went to see brian! play in a basement full of many good faces.
i saw a lot of people i really like and i met a lot of people whom i would really like,
luke, bayley, jarred, and michele showed up later on and added more to our fun.
we danced our butts off (so much so that my upper-left leg is badly bruised, heh, it got a little crazy),
i introduced lex to a new cutie ;), and we both just had a really great time.
i'm sorry if i sound really weird, all of these "great times" just seem so new to me,
i went too long without them.
we hung out at brianjarredandfred's after and didn't end up leaving until a little after 4am.
it felt so good to have the energy to do that!
last month, i would not have been able to stay up past 11, if even that,
which helps me keep track of the fact that my health is improving a lot and that my happiness has gone way up.
i already know that i'm going to miss this summer so much, and san francisco, and everything so much,
and it hasn't even really started yet-i don't know if that's good or bad,
but that's exactly what i wanted, right?