hello,

seattle.

...

i reeeeeally want to go to the grand canyon again.
really, it's high up on my list.

i really want to go camping at least once before the end of summer, too.

i had a really long nightmare yesterday.
i calculated that it lasted from 1:00am to 1:52am,
and it was extremely clear and formed a complete story.
it was terrible, and usually i know that i'll be waking up after dreams and nightmares,
but this time i forgot that i went to sleep, so i thought it was real.
it really sucked waking up alone afterward, i needed a hug.
scawy.

funny schedules.

much of this week has been spent working, eating, riding to haley's, napping,
and riding home really sleepy and really late at night.
it's been really nice actually, heh.
tonight was the first night i had the guts to listen to loud music while riding home.
i turned on algernon cadwallader and seeeeeriously could not have made a better choice.
i felt so restricted and was really bummed that i didn't know how to ride with no hands,
because i would have been dancing up a storm,
you know, clapping my hands and stuff.
i still did what i could, and i made sure to sing very loudly.
got caught a few times, but no biggie.
it was fun. really fun. i can't describe the feeling.
and i must say that i forgot how amazing headphones are.


i really don't mind being weird.


i don't know, i wanna' go swimming.

man, i'm hopeless.

i never fail to have at least one terrible bathroom experience each time i go to san francisco.

my official college orientation is next week, it's going to feel so real and close, time is going by so fast.

i talked to my dad for the first time in many years on the phone the other day, it was a good kind of bad, and that's about as deep as i'll go here, i am truly thinking/wanting to go to poland during one of my next breaks (winter or spring), and i will save just in case, i would want to go alone or with my sister.

i'm getting really tired of how many people i've noticed butting heads with me in competitions i'm not part of and will make sure to never be part of, it's awkward, unnecessary, and too many days have consisted of me not having any idea how to respond to anyone due to the fact that i'm too busy thinking "hmmm, did they really just say that?", and it's getting a little out of hand, relax is really all i've got.

i almost never listen to music anymore, it's been much too long since i've updated my collection, so i began working on that today and plan to get on it, very into folky things.

i guess it's nice that i don't have an addictive personality, at all, but i feel like it holds me back from a lot of things.

i was asked to play a show on a tuesday coming up, and i actually said no, the songs are all extremely personal, and although i'd love to share them live, it reeeeally gets to me when they don't come out the way they're supposed to, which they never do, and it sucks that i feel this way.

as soon as i get free time, i am going to make my tattoo appointment, i just don't know when that will be, blah.

i still have as hard of a time as ever believing people.

today i made myself a peanut butter, cucumber, onion, and spinach sammich on wheat bread, and before you go and be all judgemental, i really suggest you try it.

there is sososososo much i desire to do, but time, i hate yoooou time, i just need to be patient, i will do them, in time.

...

writing a bunch of dumb little songs,
struggling with how many people i really want to make time for,
hating myself for not succeeding,
wondering if you still ever think about me,
and you and you,
missing too many people,
(im)patiently waiting,
riding/walking to the death,
feels like literally,
not caring about certain things,
caring a lot about others,
overanalyzing weird situations,
keeping quiet,
sleeping too much,
winding down.

not knowing what time it is.

4th of july was nice.

did you know that there was a personality in there?

i missed you and wanted you there.

too much.

there's only one of meeeeeeee.